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George Lucas needs to stop making movies immediately.

0 comments Published 20080524 by Olivier Blanchard.

The LucasFilm logo appearing on the big screen at the start of a movie used to mean I was about to spend the next 90-120 minutes in awe.

And I have to admit that for about ten seconds today, when those familiar green letters showed up, big as a house, I felt the same excitement swell in my chest that I used to feel back when I was ten.

Sadly, my emotional response to the LucasFilm logo spans far enough across the ages to allow me to forget for an instant that George Lucas (who once rocked with Star Wars, Empire Strikes Back and Raiders of The Lost Ark) hasn't written or directed a decent movie in two decades.

Just so we're all on the same page, let's go through the list:

The good:

Star Wars
Game Changer. 100% awesome in every way.
Empire Strikes Back
Actually improved on the original. The quintessential sci-fi adventure movie.
Raiders of the Lost Ark
Pure genius.

The bad:

Indiana Jones & The Temple of Doom
Inflatable raft out of a crashing airplane. The annoying kid from Goonies. Kate Capshaw. Magical rocks? Indian cannibals. Please make it stop.
Return of the Jedi
E-W-O-K-S. (Okay, ROTJ also gave us Yoda, but the ewoks were in it more.)
Indiana Jones and The Last Crusade
Emphasis on "LAST." Cheesy father-son pathos. Derivative action scenes. Again, emphasis on "LAST."
Star Wars: Episode 1
Jar-Jar Binks. The race announcers during the pod race. The horrendous CGI. QuiGon was a patronizing moron with zero skills. We all gave him a pass here, expecting Episode 2 to redeem George a bit.
Star Wars: Episode 2
Awful dialogue, terrible CGI, the Jedi are dumb as hell, and the whiny kid that will one day become Darth Vader does not act like a boy/man in love at all, and no one can act.
Star Wars: Episode 3
Star Wars: Episode Crap. Total waste of three movies and everyone's time.

And now this: Indiana Jones and The Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. How about this: Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of How Badly George Lucas Needs To Retire? George Lucas' worst movie to date BY FAR. The saddest part about it (aside from the fact that I wasted 4 tickets and 2 hours of my life watching that gigantic turd) is that Lucas somehow managed to drag Spielberg, Ford, Blanchett, Winstone, Hurt, Broadbent and LeBeouf into this complete disaster of a Hollywood production. I feel bad for them. I really do.

Let me put it as plainly as I can for you: This movie sucks. Absolutely sucks. It is horrible.

Let me break it down:

Concept: FAIL
Script: FAIL
Dialogue: FAIL
Action scenes: FAIL
Characters: FAIL
Excitement: FAIL
Special effects: TOTAL FAIL

I cannot believe such a gigantic pile of crap isn't getting crucified by the critics. Proof at last that they're either a collective of morons or that most of them are getting paid by the studios. Don't believe me? Check out this review from the Pittsburg Post: (It actually made me laugh and puke at the same time.)

"The resurrected franchise has come a long way from its modest B-picture origins, and Spielberg, Lucas and screenwriter David Koepp fall victim to that dreaded disease of CGI-itis near the end. "Indiana Jones" has never been about the special effects, and when they commandeer the screen the actors shrink in every way."

What? Are you on crack? "Modest B-picture origins?" "CGI-tis near the end?" "Indiana Jones has never been about the special effects?"

'"The Crystal Skull" ups the action ante considerably, with Ford and LaBeouf in a motorcycle chase that's like a moving three-card monte with car, bike and occasional bus zipping through the streets and onto campus. Everything is bigger and louder, from an extended jungle pursuit to a plunge over the waterfalls that makes Niagara Falls in a barrel look like child's play."

Puke. The action scenes were so boring and derivative, even my kids were yawning. And so beyond unbelievable and poorly executed that even for a summer popcorn flick, they're downright insulting. In comparison, Michael Bay's Transformers is a friggin' masterpiece.

I hope the check from the studios was worth throwing your integrity down the drain, Barbara. But hey, you aren't alone. Let me expose some of your fellow wastes of space:

Jackie Cooper: "The gold standard for summer movie fare."
Betty Jo Tucker: "From its exciting opening sequence to its clever closing scene, 'Crystal Skull' made me grateful to Steven Spielberg for deciding to film another Indy adventure."
John Beifuss: "The long, go-for-broke opening sequence in the Nevada desert is a triumph that announces that Spielberg and Indiana Jones are not just an explosive combination, they're positively atomic."
Richard Knight: "After 19 years, Spielberg and company have unearthed the best treasure of all - another great Indiana Jones movie."
Chris Farnsworth: "Fortunately, a smart script and great set pieces make this tale of Soviet spies, weird artifacts and a lost city a worthy capstone to the series."
David Cornelius: "Breathless, popcorn-munching adventure flick perfection."

I have to stop I can't handle this anymore.

I can't believe Spielberg actually directed this horror.

I know that there's already a petition to get Uwe Boll to stop making movies... Can we PLEASE get one started for George Lucas as well?

I will let Wade Major, from Box Office Magazine close us out today with this honest and accurate comment: "Utterly unnecessary, unbelievably uninspired and preposterous beyond all imagination."

Labels: the great dumbing-down of America

Something to mull over:

0 comments Published 20080519 by Olivier Blanchard.

The commoditization of everything is turning the US into a 2nd world country.

Labels: commoditization, the great dumbing-down of America

Breaking News: The BrandBuilder to boycott mediocrity

0 comments Published 20080204 by Olivier Blanchard.

The best comment about the SuperBowl's chronically lame half time show I've read yet (from From: johnnynotsid on Buzznet):

Subject: HOW BAD WAS THE SUPERBOWL HALFTIME SHOW?

Don't get me wrong, I like Tom Petty but good GOD. DO SOMETHING!

WHIP YOUR GUITAR AROUND! HEAD BANG! BREAK YOUR HIP! Do SOMETHING!

Worse even than Macca did. I thought after Prince we'd be doing better but no...... We're so worried about another bare titty on a Sunday afternoon that we have to get young Santa Claus.

Next time: Get Radiohead (I don't even like Radiohead) or Smashing Pumpkins (even with Zeitgeist songs) or SOMEONE WHO IS ESTABLISHED BUT DOES NOT NEED GERITOL TO PERFORM!

In Tom Petty's defense (or Prince's, or The Stones, or Paul McCartney's) these guys don't suck. they're very, very good... They're just... you know... not exactly A-list anymore. Or very exciting. This is the Superbowl, man! People want to be dazzled. They want to be entertained. They want to walk away saying "wow! That was incredible!" Well, they aren't.

The once premier sporting event in the USA has sadly turned into a giant ball of mediocrity wrapped up in a very thin and overpriced wrapper of hype. My question to you is this: What does that say about our society? About Brand USA? About where we're headed - politically, economically, culturally and creatively? If the Superbowl isn't a metaphor for a bloated and mediocrity-embracing American culture, I don't know what is.

Instead of raising the bar every year, why is it that even the quality of the Superbowl experience is suffering? If there is one sporting event we should do right, it's this one. But we don't even bother to take pride in that anymore. The Superbowl has turned into just another disposable product: Commoditized, noisy, overpriced and hollow.

Are we really that afraid of glimpsing another janet Jackson nipple? Must we sanitize the US' greatest sporting event of the year to such a ridiculous extent that the Half Time show's musical acts have to be in their... um... silver years?

Whomever books these acts should go work for cruise lines and retirement communities, and leave the Superbowl to real professionals.

While you're pondering the whole metaphor concept I mentioned a few minutes ago, try this concept on for size: Relevance. How relevant are these musical acts? How relevant is the Superbowl anymore? (Not the game itself, but the ads and the show and the rest of the disposable glitter.) Perhaps more importantly, how relevant are we anymore, with our paper plates and our plastic forks and our ready-made Superbowl party platters, so desperate for entertainment that we will sit through the dumbing-down of advertising and the corporate castration of sport? How relevant are we when the Euro is stronger than the Dollar, the best creatives are moving out of the US, and we as a nation seem more concerned about accidentally glimpsing a nipple on TV than homeless families living in a van just down the road? How relevant are we when - as the only superpower left - our economy is crumbling, we have the worst public education system in the western world, our bridges are collapsing, we still don't believe in Science, and we're the fattest people on the planet?

We're acting like a nation of tourists.

Just in case you skipped to the punchline, here it is: "Good enough" just isn't good enough anymore.

Heck, mediocrity - in advertising, business, product design, politics, education, research, medical care, engineering, infrastructure management, entertainment, foodservice and customer experience, and yes, even your own job - just isn't cutting it at all. Not in the USA. Particularly not now. We should all be embarrassed by how far we've alowed this to get already. It's time to wake up.

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Labels: mediocrity, superbowl, the great dumbing-down of America